a1c and Returning to the Wagon

This is a very hard post for me and the main reason that I stopped blogging.  I am a very private person when it comes to serious issues, but I vowed to be honest on here.  I am just now at the point in which I feel ready to share what has been going through my head.  I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors, but I am going to post this without proofreading, as I know I will edit out anything emotional.

My last pregnancy was extremely rough on me.  I have never had thyroid issues or blood sugar issues until I got pregnant with H.  I blame it on him being a boy.  I still struggle with my thyroid, and have to change my medications every couple of months.  At my last endocrinologist appointment, my doctor also checked my a1c.  For those of you that don't know what it is, it is basically a average reading of blood sugar over the last few months.  My a1c was surprisingly high, putting me in the pre-diabetes range.

So what does that mean?  It means that I am overweight, eat like crap, and don't exercise, in combination with a family history of type 2 diabetes.  It also means that without some serious life changes or some prescription drugs, I will probably develop diabetes.

This news was extremely upsetting to me for a variety of reasons. First of all, I don't want to be diabetic.  Secondly, I have seen first hand the horrific health issues associated with diabetes,  Thirdly, how can someone let themselves get so unhealthy?

I have spent the last few months going though the stages of grief.

Denial - Clearly my doctor got the tests results wrong and this isn't right.  I have never had a problem before

Anger - My doctor sucks and I need to get referred to a new endocrinologist

Bargaining - Maybe if I lose weight really quickly it will all go away...

Depression - what kind of pathetic person lets themselves go and gets so fat and gross and eats like this and etc etc etc.  I am going to have diabetes, so it isn't even worth trying to do anything about.  I am doomed.


And finally, I think I have reached Acceptance.  I have a hereditary predisposition to type 2 diabetes, and I have made poor choices in the past several years that have increased my risk.  It is time to do something about it.  Since I do not see medication as the answer, that means exercise, diet, and an overall healthier lifestyle.

So, I am jumping back on the wagon.  I know it is a long process, but I have made it one week.  I managed to eat reasonable portions and make healthier choices, as well as work out 4 days.

I want to set a healthy example for my children and be around to see my grandchildren.  I will not let my children develop my eating habits and be in this situation at the age of 30.

The two things that I need the most help with are accountability and accepting imperfection.  I have made a step to be more accountable by working on a couch to 5K program with some friends and blogging again.  I still need to learn to deal with not being perfect.  If I cannot exercise for one day or I make bad eating choices for one meal, that does not mean that I need to give up.

Glad to be back!