A few weeks ago, I caught myself replying to the age question by saying "I just turned 30." As if "just turning 30" somehow meant that I wasn't quite 30. As my latest birthday approached, I found myself dreading the number 31. It means accepting that I am in my 30s. Rationally, I know that age shouldn't matter, and I have accomplished all the goals I wanted to achieve by this age (husband, kids, house, minivan). So why am I having such a hard time coming to terms with my age????
My house is a mess and I can't seem to keep it under control, I am overweight and on the verge of becoming diabetic, my husband's job situation is out of my control, our financial situation is uncertain, my grandmother is having some serious health issues, and my baby is getting ready to turn 1 and I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that I wont have any more babies. I am having a hard time dealing with all the stress and uncertainty, which causes my relationships with my family to be less than stellar. Shouldn't a person in their 30's have better control over their life, and be more content and settled?
I don't intend to be a complainer, or whine about my life. Some of these things are completely within my control, and it is just up to me to get the motivation to change them. The other things are just things I need to learn to deal with. I am actually hoping that when I look at this in a year, I will feel like a totally different person.
I intended for this blog to be a part of my journey to making my life better, but have avoided the blog as much as I have avoided expending any effort to make my life better. Five months later, I am ready to give it another go.
So here is to the next year.
Amber, I didn't realize we are only days apart in age! It is weird to say I'm "in my 30's." I was just thinking today that it doesn't feel the way I always imagined it would to be this age. Most of the time I just feel like I'm pretending to be grown up or something. I am totally there with you on feeling financial/job-related stress and just trying to keep up. And also on the having no more babies thing....I know I don't want any more, but it's really hard looking at my baby and thinking I have to savor this because I won't get it again. Best of luck to you with your goals for the year. You have made me really start thinking about what I want mine to be for the upcoming year (except then I have to accept that when that year is over, I'll be 32!!).
ReplyDeleteHugs, sweetie! You are one of the strongest people I know. You will make it through this year just fine. Know how I know this? Because I know you can tackle anything you put your mind to...I also know you can handle anything thrown in your direction. You're strong, and surrounded by people who support you. Call me anytime you want a pep talk. You've given me plenty. ;)
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