Goal 3 - The Quest to be a more perfect Mama...

While pondering this goal, I came across an article in the December issue of Parents magazine called "Raise a Compassionate Kid."  It highlighted the importance of instilling empathy, kindness, and caring in our children and their relationships.  This really hit a cord with me.  I adore my children and think they are wonderful, but given the choice, I do not wish to have the most beautiful children in the world, or the smartest children in the world. My one wish is to have well-adjusted, content, and caring children that contribute meaningfully to society.

It is easy to have goals for your children, but it is harder to figure out the path to attaining those goals.

I would really love to start doing little things with my children that make a difference.  Even if it just means drawing a picture for a special someone, helping take their used toys to children in need, or helping a friend that is feeling bad.  I have a strong sense of empathy, but it is a just a feeling, not an action.  I want to teach myself and my children to act on empathy and compassion and express them in positive ways.

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.  - David Bly

I think my biggest struggle is trying to be the kind of person that I want my kids to be.  I want my children to be healthy, yet I have demonstrated very unhealthy habits.  I want my children to be kind and compassionate, yet I am constantly saying unkind things or complaining about people.  I say things and do things I would never want my children to say and do.  I really want to strive to be the kind of person that I hope they will become.

It was a huge wake up call a few weeks ago when D, at age 4, was able to articulate that we were being hard on her and not using "nice" words.  We were expecting things from her that we were not demonstrating.  When we started making a concerted effort to be more polite and use kind words, she immediately became a happier, more compliant child.  I struggle with keeping my temper and remaining calm when the kids frustrate me.  It is a viscous cycle;  the more upset I become, the more they are inclined to make poor choices.  They feed off my mood and temper.  On rough days, where I have yelled and reacted poorly, I find myself going to bed with a nagging sense of guilt.

There are days that go by that I am cleaning, running errands, and doing variety of everyday tasks, and I look back and think that I spent very little time enjoying my children.  It seems like I get so preoccupied with life that I forget that my children need time as well.  I sometimes think about how time goes so quickly and before I know it D will be in kindergarten and I will miss having so much time with my babies.  I think it is important for children to have time on their own, to learn to develop their imaginations, play independently, and learn to be introspective; I also want to spend more quality time with them.  I think it would do us all good to slow down, enjoy each other, and try not to just rush from one thing to the next.

I absolutely love my children more than anything, but is hard being a mommy 24 hours a day.  I know I will never be perfect (and really I think it is good for kids to see some of our imperfections), but I do want to be better.  I want my children to learn about consequences without me losing my temper; I want them to feel loved and respected;  I want to enjoy my children.